My response to the dear Adult Instagrammer…

you can read the original post here:

Her words are italicised – my response is mixed in…

“Dear Parents of Under 13 Year Old Children With Instagram Accounts,”

well that’s me! all three of my young {under 10} sons have accounts @DrummondPaine @GalvinPaine and @JudahP all have instagram, twitter and Facebook.

“Are you okay with your child lying? I guess you are.”

woah…. not really…. and can i give you some soft advice: if you are trying to honestly and gently communicate with someone i have found the best way to reach someone is not to call them a liar in your opening breath…. imagine if i had something important to share with you, something i was super passionate about, and i STARTED TO YELL, point my finger and tap you in the chest and said: “I have a different view from you so that makes you a LIAR!!!” how would that make you feel? not so hot right? 

“If they will lie about their date of birth for social media when they are 8-12 years old, what about drinking alcohol when they are 13 to 17 years old? (Alcohol is just one example)”

hmmmm. i don’t know if i totally agree with the connection, but in my case i am the one who did the “lying” because i am the one who put their dates of birth into the platforms… not them…

“Are you okay with your child searching for, and looking at, porn, sex, drugs, alcohol and stupid or dangerous behaviour? I guess you are.
A simple search can show images of ALL these things. Instagram cannot police everyone, every minute, of every day – no matter how many people report inappropriate content.”

it would be silly for me to point out that they can do all of these nefarious things on any connected device anytime. if they were desperate enough they could even search out this in a bookstore, in a library, in a shopping centre. Back in my day i was exposed to all of these things listed above in school from my friends. there was no internet let alone instagram. So according to your logic should i ban them from…. everything?

“There is no reasonable explanation for allowing your children to have Instagram if they are under 13. You are kidding yourself and on some level you are cheating them out of a childhood.”

Once again dear dear impassioned writer and caring mum, you do not win minds and hearts by accusing parents of cheating their children out of childhood. if i was you and wanted to make a point, i might word that differently – like maybe say that you are scared that some children might be cheated out of a childhood… {what does that even mean by the way}

I know a lot of parents who have flat-out told me ‘it’s just too hard to watch everything they do online’. I consider that lazy parenting. Have you at least read the Instagram Tips for Parents section..? If you cannot be bothered clicking on that link – here’s some of what they have to say to parents:

“We encourage parents to exercise any discretion they can on their own phones and in overseeing their child’s internet use.

Here is where i agree with you whole heartedly. I believe that for the poor overworked, underpaid, struggling single mums out there with kids who are way smarter in the technology department then they are, that after they get home from their second job to pay the rent, wash the school clothes, make dinner, help the kids with their homework and listen to the kids talk about their days… well if they get two seconds and can’t sleep and they find your little blog about instagram – well they should feel like a complete lying failure and a horrible parent because they let their 10 year old daughter have an instagram account to talk to their friends and cousins online….

sometimes…. sometimes it is just hard. sometimes we need to be loving and help those parents. and not yell at them.

“I’ve considered every possible response that I will receive to this, and in advance, here is my response.

Lying is lying. And you just can’t UNsee some things.

Respectfully yours,

An Adult Instagrammer”

Well i know i am wasting my time writing a few thoughts down because you are way way smarter than me, and have the mind as big as a planet and have thought of ever conceivable response the entire world could have… and to that struggling mum i invented above you just slap the phones out her kids hands and say loudly through clenched teeth as you pointed your finger at them “Lying is lying. And you just can’t UNsee some things.”

When having a discussion with someone that i would like to help it is not very helpful if i end my opening point with" Now i know what you are gonna say and let me tell you: you are wrong and i am right! i am way smarter and better!!!“ and dear friend, your line above that says: "I’ve considered every possible response that I will receive to this, and in advance, here is my response.” feels just like that. it feels like you don’t want to help me.

it feels like you just want to win. 

it feels like you just want to be right.

deep breath.

Dear Adult Instagrammer – i believe that banning my sons from different social platforms and connectedness is silly and defeats the purpose. I am frightened that there are loving caring parents out there who think, just because they are BANNING their kids, and following the letter of the law, that they are doing great in the parent department. Parenting is different for everyone. And here is my philosophy in a few random points:

– as adults we forget that the best way to make a child obsessed with something is to BAN it. Do you know any parents who are super healthy and only eat organic vegetables at home? their kids are not allowed sugar, maccas or anything fizzy? have you seen their kids at a birthday party un-attended? they are like little cocaine addicts tripping off there heads cramming handful of red frogs down their throats… my point isn’t to let kids do what they want, my point is to remember what it is like to be a kid, and when something is secret or off limits- it becomes a million times more attractive….

– when i was a kid and my mate from school shoved a girly magazine in my school bag and i discovered it at home {true story} i HID IT. it was thrilling, scary, weird, exciting and sexy. i got rid of it the next day {and got into a fight with my friend} – but a few days after that, i talked to my dad about it. because my parents had created a world for me where everything was talked about and i could come to them for advice…… my point here is twofold – parenting is talking and loving and openness, not BANNING. and now there is a digital trail of my sons, i know what they do online, i am involved… and i am involved in a MUCH DEEPER WAY than my parents ever were, because of the digital universe we live in now. not just for my kids but for my friends kids.

– dear friend, i want to lead by example to my sons and all of the people who look up to me. i get scared that for parents who are just a little misguided, that they begin to think in the “Letter of the LAW” instead of the example model. for example i know plenty of parents who love to booze it up at a party or at a footy game. The kids are told that they are not allowed to drink – “don’t you even think about it kids!!!” dad yells at them. and then the minute the child turns 18, they get wasted and sick or even worse… and the parents are standing around saying “Gee i don’t know what happened, i never let them drink at all, not one drop when they were underage!!” i know that is a basic and blatant point…. but here is my story:

i know that this is a controversial point in these enlightened times but i believe that all pornography is bad. i believe all porn is really evil. boom. said it. i believe that pornography is degrading and it brings nothing but badness into universe for all concerned. i hate it. i really hate it. – that it was i believe.

and yet, there have been times, a handful of times, when i have stumbled onto something online and my curiosity, my testosterone, my lust, my evil heart, have taken my down a scary and yucky and porn-filled path. 

that is not what i want. 

plus i am raising three men {they might be little boys now, but soon enough they will be men} and i want them to feel the same way about pornography. i want them to know that they will be tempted, that there will be times when they will want to look at it, and yet i want them to know there is a better way. a higher way.

so i lead by example. and in my world that looks like communication, talking and openness, a safe way to talk, be accountable to my loved ones. 

Filters, bans and blocks just make things worse because they assume the worse, i think they turn a lot of people into animals and the bad guys. Sharing, openness, communication and accountability makes us all into humans, into equals, into better people….. that’s what i want.

have i said too much? am i wrong? let me know.

coming back to blogging…

I started keeping a personal blog seriously in late 2004. It was on a self hosted wordpress blog on my first domain djp72.net (/blog). I kept it going pretty well for a few years and then 2007 Twitter came along. I installed a Twitter feed thingy into my worpress blog and that fed the blog for a year or so, looking back I think that Twitter feeding in was a mistake, it sort of turned into a collection of telegrams. For the last couple of years there has been very little blogging going on by me as I explored every corner of the social networking universe. I also spread myself over too many websites and too many domains.
But now. I am coming back, simplifying, focusing. I have decided that I am getting rid of a lot of my domains and have my main “home” on the net as this blog and my blog will be on tumblr. I am looking forward to it…

sorry for the quietness….

no podcast / djp show for awhile… sorry
and not much blogging either…. sorry
even my twittering is sparse… sorry

a bunch of factors have conspired together to create this scenario. and all will be explained. soon. i promise. in both written and audio form. soon.

thanks for being my friend….

3 new photo tumble blogs from djp as previously mentioned i am a fan of tumblr.com…and here are my three new “picture a day” tumble logs:djp1.netdjp2.netdjp4.net my domain names have finally got all DNS happy and i’ve worked out how to get in the back of dreamhost and set it all to point to tumblr.. […]

me likey the tumblr

i am changing my whole blogging and online “strategy” {what a dumb word to choose, but…}
part of this new strategy {there it is again} is not one, not two, but three new Tumble Logs.
i’ll let you look up what a tumble log is.
the best place to grab a tumble log is the new www.tumblr.com. it is a really great way to get your stuff online.
anyway-
i have set up 3 new tumblr accounts to showcase my photography:
soon they will have their own custom domain names but for now…
djp1.tumblr.com -pictures from djp photography
djp2.tumblr.com -polaroids from djp
djp4.tumblr.com -personal work from djp {also includes my twitter feed}

check them out, subscribe to their RSS feeds.
more updates soon.

::EDIT::
just got their own URL’s happening:
so update your bookmarks:

djp1.net
djp2.net
djp4.net

———-

note – may 2010 – i think i have gotten rid of all those domains / sites just this month…

categories….

01] Father
about my relationship and journey with God.
02] benita
my beautiful, wonderful wife
03] drummond
my amazing first born son. drummond jacobus paine.
04] galvin
my beautiful second child. Galvin William Paine
05] third child
all about my coming 3rd baby… don’t know when…
06] family
news about my family: paines, faulmanns & weddells.
07] friends
my friends, mates, bros, sistas, buddies and pals
08] djp photography
i am a photographer. my business is djp photography.
09] mustard
all about the mustard empire that i co-own and co-run
10] music
music is my life blood. i listen to a lot and every style and genre i love
11] hip-hop
stuff about my take on the culture of hip-hop.
12] movies
i like movies. my reviews. i give percentages like i was marking a test.
13] reading
i read books sometimes… and a lot of magazines.
14] geek
my take the internet and computers and all that techy stuff. expect a lot of APPLE MAC stuff. i don’t have much love for PC / Windows / Microsoft.
15] t.v.
i watch a little bit of TV. only a little bit. really i don’t like it much at all.
16] cameraphone
images from my much loved mobile phones.
17] drawings
my drawings and scribbles and sketches.
18] other
other
19] thoughts
observations and opinions about everything else.
20] everything
ummm…. everything. all the posts. all the entries.
21] fam foto mon
Family Foto Mondays
22] self port tues

http://www.flickr.com/groups/selfportraittuesday/

23] wifey wed
Wifey Wednesdays- all about my b.
24] t i l thurs
Things I Love Thursdays
25] art of the kids thurs
The Art of the Kids Thursdays
26] arty farty fri
Arty Farty Fridays

the blog programme

Mondays are Family Foto Mondays.

Tuesdays are Self Portrait Tuesdays.

Wednesdays are Wifey Wednesdays.

Thursdays are Things I Love Thursdays
and The Art of the Drum Thursdays.

Fridays are Arty Farty Fridays.

and the weekends are whatever i want.

{note 2010 – i don’t think this lasted even a week}